"what if"

Went running out to the CNE grounds
yesterday. On the way, I passed the Toronto Music Garden.


I try not to focus on "what if" scenarios.

You know, stuff like "what if I never sold Inkspot", "what if I focussed on writing right away instead of doing a degree in Computer Science", "what if I had ordered the chicken instead of the meatloaf".

Going through the "what if" game becomes silly if you start examining it closely. If I hadn't gone for a degree in Computer Science, for example, I probably wouldn't have met technonerdboys like Tom West or Jeff. Leaving aside the obvious life-influencing Jeff factor :-), Tom was the one who introduced me to sf conventions and filking. Which means I may not have ended up meeting Allison, or finding out about filk, which means Urban Tapestry wouldn't have existed...you see how ridiculous it all gets.





The fact is that I am the sum of my life experiences. I've made mistakes, said and done things I've regretted. But I've also learned a great deal, accomplished things I'm proud of.

I'm more self-confident and happier now than I was twenty years ago, as well as being more physically fit. Yes, I admit a twinge when I realized a very long time ago that my childhood fantasies of being a famous scientist or concert pianist or bestselling author at age 21 were just those...childhood fantasies. There's a certain relief to giving up some of those fantasies to narrow my focus to ones within reach.

I still make mistakes. A lot of them. :-) But I'm getting better at focussing on the future instead of the past, pursuing my goals with passion instead of getting pulled into the "what if" whirlpool of regret.

What about you? Are you happier now than you were when you were younger? Feel free to post in your own journals, but I'd appreciate it if you would post the URL so I can read your entry.

Do check out Bill Roper's, Lyanne's and Lainiekins's journal entries in response to this poll.



This set of stairs is one of the challenges I've set
for myself near the end of my run. This and another like it on the
east side of Skydome require a last "big push" of energy
to run up all the stairs. On good days, I don't feel like
dying when I finally get to the top. :-)

September/2003 comments: Read | Post | LJ